ORLY?

My immune system has decided that it hates me. So I'm finally getting over this throwing up thing when suddenly my ear starts really hurting, now I have a fairly high pain tolerance but this was seriously painful. So I go to some doctor (it took me a very long time to convince my mother to let me go, because on one of her crappy TV shows it showed some shady doctor and now she's convinced that all doctors apart from my old one is going to kill or something), and it turns out I have a terrible middle ear infection, lovely. So I get lots of antibiotics and he tells me to use this incredibly strong painkiller, which pretty much burned a hole in my stomach so I won't be using it again. So I missed my friends’ superbowl party and such, which isn't all that bad anyway because I am not as fascinated with football as the rest of the country. THEN, my ear was hurting even more, and bam my eardrum burst, it hurt and all this disgusting yellowish stuff came out, and I can't hear out of that ear. Hopefully the membrane will grow back in a few days, or I'll be deaf in it for life, LOVELY! Now that I'm done complaining, I'm going to catsthatlooklikehitler.com, oh how my tiny little mind is fascinated by it.

So I might of sort of broke my "clean spree" and taken drugs. OH HOW MY MOTHER WOULD KILL ME IF SHE KNEW. The funny thing is, I really am beyond caring.


QUESTION; What do you do when you find out one of your best male friends is shoving a toothbrush down his throat every time he eats? (I sort-of might be the only person who knows.)

=[. I am still sick, I haven't been able to eat anything because it just comes right back up. So this morning I remeber feeling really dizzy and having really bad cramps(is that what girls feel when they are PMSing?) then according to my mother, I passed out, it took me HOURS to get her out of hysterics, I think I should probably go to the hospital.


Oh and to make things worse, Ringo is fucking dead =[. Around 2:00pm we get a call and the vet tells my mom that Ringo is very uncomfortable and he was not responding to pain medication at all, he had been in surgery for ages by then. At around six (so about an hour and 15 minutes ago) the vet calls us and tells us Ringo didn't make it, the poor boy. Ringo had something happen to him that was very rare and UN preventable.( It is a rare bad luck thing...) In his body a Fat Tumor had been growing for who knows how long and recently had flipped positions and ended up wrapping itself around Ringo's small intestine. It cut off the circulation to a foot long section of Ringo's small intestine. So they tried cut it out and also cut out the dead part of the intestine then sewed the ends back together, it didn't work.

I haven't been this depressed in a longlonglong time. Karma is a bitch, who consequently happens to hates me. Boo.


Also, lmao, I am a fool. In one of my finer blonde momments I decided to find out if my camera was waterproof, turns out it isn't.

My mother is so embarrassing. Just now, I send her down to the shops at around 3:30 AM for gastrolite(anti- throwing up medicine thing), and she comes back with some "SRSLY RLYRLY CUTE" gay check out man's number for me. I don't even want to think about what she said to him to get his number. Bless her<3.

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

One fifty three AM and I concurred it was time to rummage together an online blogging shindig type of thing. Only what really spurred this was something I have theorized into a whole big propoganda, influenced by another individual but truly hold my inner thoughts. Another time this will be more defined. Another time other than five minutes before two o'clock in the morning.


God I sound crazy, fun that. Blogs are meant for other people to read are they not? Hmmmmm. My pondering is stupid. I have quite a few things on my mind to discuss but I don't feel like wording them and putting them here. Ultimately I'm afraid they'll sound stupid due to my lack of energy to wording them correctly, but also due to them sounding like issues that are, all together, stupid. "Stupid" is a stupid word. I don't even know why I use the word "stupid". There are so many better words than "stupid".. and you know on second thought people who use the word "stupid" can probably be gathered as unintelligent -- or, well, stupid. Maybe this means I am one of these people. Another little pinprick in my ego, which my friends say is a good thing, because apparently it's as big as texas?


God I think it's sad that I find it sad that I have no online friends to comment on my little sexed up journal(I wish). This will have to change. Along with many other things.


I just realized that there is probably a semi connection with me starting a blog at the very beginning of '08. This can be my new years resolution; start a blog! Although that's not really a resolution. I don't know, I don't care. It works.


So basically today, I just had a big sudden realization, like Homer having an ephinany in the simpsons movie, where he realises that bananas are a source of potassium, which I totally already knew because my doctor seems to insist that I must shove these things down my throat for my well being. Well anyways, I realized the more I think about it, the more I realize I'm scared of love. I'm scared of growing up, I'm scared of time that could be spent on the wrong things. I'm scared I'll never be ready. We take all our childhood preparing to 'grow up', and then we live our whole lives preparing to die. Life always seems so short, yet I've barely experienced it in years. I'm scared of meeting someone someday who I'll trust completely. I'm scared of the caliber that that would pack, the ability to, first, completely know someone & then completely devastate them in one simple step. I'm scared that there is a possibility to meet someone who you can trust entirely, who can help show you who you are, but take away some of you at the same time. So that's why I have driven all my boyfriends away, go figure.


This last week has been hectic as can be.
I just found out a few nights ago that my mom is (was?) pregnant, & the next day after shopping, she found herself in the hospital having a miscarriage. The baby is dead now. Funny how life works, isn't it?
I'm not really sure what to say. I also just found out she had a miscarriage back in october & she never told any of us. We didn't even know she was pregnant or anything. Whether or not I should be mad or not, I'm just shocked. Firstly, that no one told me, & secondly, the way said events turned out. And thirdly and most importantly of all, that means that my parents are having sex, that's a scary thought.


OH WAY TO GO MATTHEW, I just wrote an incredibly no doubt boring and stupid first post that nobody will probably ever read appart from myself. BOO. 

THAT WOULD BE ME, in all my camera whore glory. One of my best friends, Lys sais that's my  "make the world think your a slut, playboy photo" o.O I SHOULD PROBABLY AGREE.